whatever

I give up, I can't do this anymore. It just needs to end.

jill

Its been almost seven years since you left. Almost seven years now that I still can't trust anyone nor bring myself to let anyone get close to me or my family. I can never put them through that again, not ever. Always having to explain why it didn't work out, I'd rather not let them in at all. Its no conicidence that I have strained relationships with all my friends with significant others. I'm often reminded of my bitterness whenever I see happy couples, especially the ones with children. I still remember those many conversations we had about how many we were going to have and how much enjoyment we had coming up with each of their names. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the company of my coupled friends and their kids, I just can no longer hide my sadness whenever I'm around them. So as I often do, I just retreat, retreat back to my room to stare at the ceiling fan as it goes round and round. When I think of your betrayal and the lack of communication on your part, and don't get me started on the Michael piece, a part of me dies and with it hatred and loathing consumes me and fills my head with unspeakable things. I despise what I've let myself become, I'm empty and hopeless. I don't know why I'm thinking about you today Jill, I've been really busy here at work and I can say this line of thought is truly getting the best of me and I'm afraid it will spill over into the rest of my evening and possibly into the rest of the week. Why couldn't you be honest with me?

girl of the day - Elisha Cuthbert

She's so freakin hot!



I first laid eyes on this goddess while watching "Love, Actually" that starred another favorite of mine, Keira Knightley. Elisha has bewitched me with her amazing good looks and those piercing blue eyes. Others know her from her stint on "24" as Jack's daughter Kim. I've also enjoyed watching her in "The Girl Next Door" and "House of Wax". I'm looking forward to her latest movie "Captivity" thats supposed to come out sometime this year. Ah, if I were only younger, thinner, good looking, independently wealthy, and famous; I might have had a shot with a distant friend of hers. Sad

Family Guy Ron

The Old Man made this for me the other day, its my new icon now for everything.



That green has got to go, its super loud.

Go Astros!

Got up super early this morning and went to pick up my friend Emmy to go to the Academy store in Sugar Land to get Brandon Backe's autograph.



I got Brandon to sign my astros mini baseball bat, now I've got three signatures on it and I hope to get more. Could have gone to the Tri-Star show at the Brown to get Brad Lidge's autograph; but, this one was free and we thought Brandon was the better choice as he's the spunky character. He was really personable and is showing off that smile when he got a look at my friend Emmy. Not bad, I also got Larry Dierker to sign one of my baseballs. The Astros are pretty cool to be going around town to sign autographs. We got Chad Qualls and Adam Everett signatures this past week at another Academy across town.

Another Birthday?

What is up with these people in my life with birthdays in January, I think I'm up to seven if you include the one tomorrow. John, I just don't know when we're doing dinner with the Dr. Why would you schedule a gig on your birthday? Anywho, I came across one of my favorite birthday cards the other day. Hippo Birdie Two Ewes by Sandra Boynton



Anywho, Happy Birthday Sax, sorry for always being such an ass.

Birthdays

A birthday should be celebrated not ignored, not treated just like any other day. Its a special day for that someone. Really, its the only day of the year that belongs to you; not like Christmas, Valentines Day, or whatever holiday. Actually, I feel sorry for those who have birthdays on holidays especially for those born on Christmas day, thats gotta suck. I had two friends yesterday who had birthdays, one of which did not have the best of times. Like I've said, I believe its a special day and I try to make it that way for my friends whenever I can support such endeavors. Its been difficult lately financially but things are improving. Anyway, you would expect someone's significant other to make a birthday great and not complain and do nothing about it. I was truly dissapointed yesterday at my friend's "other half" as there was little to no effort at all made to make my friend feel better. In fact, that person only made things worse. It was awfull, my friend was so sad yesterday and there was nothing I could do about it. Happy Birthday Em and Ara, I love you both.

Patience

Or lack of it seems to be the recurring theme in my life lately. Perhaps its just my time in life to have no patience for the ignorance and stupidity of others. Just yesterday this stupid fuck vagrant guy asks me nicely if he could wash my windshield, I calmly said no, but thanks anyway. He then proceeded to do so anyway, I got on my horn and let it wail at him for a good long moment. He continued until I got out of my car with my trusty crowbar and called him a fucking dumbass, I told you no! He retreated as you would expect, I can't wait to see him this evening, I'm hoping the light will be red.

Whatever

So my boss comes in and says "how was your dentist vist?", "the right side of your face looks swollen". So I tell her all the work was done on my left side. Whatever...

Tech Support and the NFL, who knew?

Crazy, crazy ass weekend. For what should have been a quick job installing Windows on several donated computers, turned into a 12 hour event involving garlic chicken wings, the OC - A, the NFL, and my sisters old friend Grace. What a day, first I waited like 36 minutes for my contact person to finally arrive, I'll call her Debbie. (yeah, you know who you are) Anywho, that gave me time to chomp down my order of two quarter pounders w/cheese, fries and a drink and opportunity to smoke two of the 24 cigarettes that I would eventually have during the course of the day.

I get started on my PC tech thingy and there's an announcement for a food run to the local wing place, a Chinese place of course, seeing as we were in the middle of Chinatown and that my job for the day was at the Chinese Community Center (CCC). I can't remember the place's name at all; although, now that I think of it, I still owe my friend money for my 10 piece wing order. Great food, I was happily surprised at the taste of the Asian style wings. Lots of garlic with a hint of spicy, just the way I like it. Too bad I only had three pieces while they were hot, I didn't get to eat the rest until after 1:00 am.

My job was simple, install Windows, Office 2003, Norton Antivirus on several machines. The snag is that I brought Norton Ghost 9.0 with me, huge mistake as it cost me several hours to figure out why it wouldn't clone any of the drives along with bootable system information. Anyway, I managed to find an article on one of these tech message boards with people complaining about the same problem. Most of the solutions pointed to using an older version of Ghost which unfortunately I didn't have. Eventually I had a system going. The computers are great, dual Xeon processors with a full two gigs of rambus memory along with three hard drives each with a whopping 320 gigs worth of unallocated space. Problem with the drives, they all had several partitions on each which had to be deleted, repartitioned, and formatted with the NTFS file system. No small chore as each drive had to be done independently. I still need to go back and finish the last two computers this week.

While all this is going on, the NFL playoffs were in full bloom. The first game with Seattle and Washington was exceptionally good, as it was a fight to the end. The Redskins never gave up and the Seashawks played on even after losing their star running back to a concussion early in the first quarter. It was tough for me, being a Cowboys fan, both of these teams beat my boys during the regular season so I wanted both of them to lose. Unlikely scenario, but I can still see Seattle lose next week to the Carolina panthers; although, I don't like them either. I didn't care too much for the late game as my favored New England Patriots lost to the convincingly dominant Denver Broncos. Tom Brady not having his best day, nor was the rest of team for that matter. So, not much to look forward to in football, I hope the Steelers take it all the way, they looked incredible yesterday against the much adored Indianapolis Colts. Poor Peyton, those post game interviews just had to suck for him. Too little, too late I say as the Steelers blitzes and more blitzes took the Colts out early. I watched a little bit of the Chicago, Carolina game, don't care too much for these teams either; although, I was secretly hoping for Chicago to win as those poor guys haven't had much to cheer about since the 80's.

And still while all that was going on my friend Debbie and her crew were preparing for their annual Asian Las Vega$ night. I popped in every once in while to see what was going on, they had a really good turn out. During one of my walks I ran into one of my sister's old friends Grace. Finding out earlier that she was friends with both Debbie and my friend John, I couldn't wait to talk about that. We chatted for a while; but she had to get back to work as she was one of the blackjack dealers for the event. It was good to see her again, she reminded me of her father's birthday bash in couple of weeks so I'll see her soon enough.

Oh crap, I haven't even written about my ordeal at the Dentist office.

Cy

originally taken from yahoo news

Cy, short for Cyclopes, a kitten born with only one eye and no nose, is shown in this photo provided by its owner in Redmond, Oregon, on Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005. The kitten, a ragdoll breed, which died after living for one day, was one of two in the litter. Its sibling was born normal and healthy. (AP Photo/Traci Allen) entire article here

----------------------------------------------

At first I'm thinking no fucking way; but after viewing the image and reading the story, my thoughts turned from "how cool is that?" to sadness. This poor creature lived for about a day, her owner tending to her all through the night and into the next evening until it died. You know, I'm looking at the photo and all I can feel now is sorrow. I wish it would have had more time here, you can already see and almost sense its personality. The photo truly captured the moment, so innocent, so helpless. My only fear is, its begun.

Strange World

I was introduced to this song a while back by a good friend of mine. She claims its one of the best songs to have sex to, I haven't tried that out myself as of yet. I still listen to it often, even in my world of Dido, Rush, Scorpions, U2, and Pink Floyd, I still can find time to listen to some classic Iron Maiden. The song was written in 1980 by Steve Harris off of their self titled album Iron Maiden. Find it, listen to it, enjoy.

"Strange World"

The only place where you can dream, living here is not what it seems.
Ship of white light in the sky, nobody there to reason why.
Here I am, I'm not really there, smiling faces ever so rare.
A let's walk in deepest space, living here just isn't the place.

Stalks of light come from the ground, when I cry there isn't a sound.
All my feelings cannot be held, I'm happy in my new strange world.
Shades of green grasses twine, girls drinking plasma wine.
A look at love, a dream unfolds, living here, you'll never grow old.

Don't you hear me call? Ooh


Thanks Emmy, you're always so good at finding the finest things in life to enjoy.

The Abyss

I chipped my tooth a couple of weeks ago and I ended up at the dentist under emergency circumstances. So Dr. whats her name tells me after a single x-ray that I'm going to need two crowns, a post, and a root canal for a grand sum to the tune of $2500. Me and my new job just aren't prepared for that kind of commitment so I turned down her offer and I was sent home with a prescription of Darvocet (best pain reliever I know without codeine). I'm getting a second opinion this Friday from a dentist my friend Deb referred to me.

Blindness and me

On the way to work today I noticed I was having a tough time focusing on certain objects. I've come to find that objects, especially letters, become blurry around eight inches from my face. So looks like after all these years of bragging about my perfect vision to my family, I have become farsighted. Next step would be to make that appointment with an eye doctor. What else is going to go wrong?

StarTac 2.0

So I'm talking with my friend Janice yesterday and we get on the subject of cell phones. She's telling me she had just gotten a new Motorola, a V something or another with all the bells and whistles she could care less about. She then tells me that she would have gotten a Motorola Razor had it not looked like the old StarTac. I'm thinking to myself that I had never thought that the two were at all similar. Just great, here I'm thinking I got this new kick ass phone, and its just really a new version of the StarTac. I really don't know why that bothers me, now I'm thinking my phone is all big and bulky. Now I want that new Samsung MM-A900.




whatever.

Battlestar Galactica 2.11 and Quarter Pounders

Yeah, call me a phag, whatever. Battlestar Galactica is one of the best shows on television, ever. I've watched last night's episode 4 times over already and I'm looking forward to the episodes release on itunes later today.

McDonalds is doing there two-fer deal with Quarter Pounders w/Cheese again. Although, through the course of the years its gone from 2 for $2 to an all time high of 2 for $2.62. Up from $2.25 just last year.

Super Tired

I think I'm just fucking drainied from a long ass day at work yesterday. I thought I got to bed at a reasonable time and slept fairly well. Man, I am sooo dragging this morning. I look and feel like ass...

McRib

The joy of lunch. Oh, and to order a McRib and have it made your own way is just bliss. I know it's the farewell tour and all so I've been trying to have one at least once a week. But today, they got it just right with no pickles and onions and just drenched, literally swimming in bbq sauce. It was so good, I didn't want to eat anything else. Thank the Gods.

Rocketboom

Does anyone watch this? I've been watching it since early October and I've been trying to catch up by downloading all the previous episodes. Just yesterday, the feed came in a little late and I started to panic. Rocketboom is never late, I can always count on it every morning. Just 3-5 minutes of my time every morning to watch Amanda give her unique spiel of the world. I truly get a kick out of all the new tech stuff they show. Not to mention, I just enjoy watching Amanda, she's super hot and a little silly at the same time.

Uh Oh

I'm not getting much work done. Way too much food, I think I'm going into a sugar induced coma.

Lunch with the hot pharmaceutical rep, maybe

Not a bad lunch today at work. The super hot rep from some pharmaceutical whose name I can't remember brought the office food from Pappas BBQ. I wanted to chat with that chick some more; but, the thought of brisket, sausage, beans, and potato salad compelled me to do otherwise. And just yesterday my friend Emmy was telling me about how she had a meal with her father at Bakers Ribs. You know the place, on Voss with the demonic pig on the side of the building. Anyway, the Pappas spread had all the fixins, real texas toast, pickels, jalapenos, onions, and the biggest bucket of BBQ sauce I'd ever seen. And to finish it off, we had freshly made pecan pie, the good stuff that was all gooey with plenty of pecans. Ooh, if I only had vanilla ice cream. Oh well, back to work I must go.

first post ever

Well I guess I'll have a go with this.